Okay, so the last week of my second last semester of uni have passed, and then it dawned upon me that I only have ONE semester to go before the big big graduation (if all goes well cross fingers). After handing in that website thing.. it dawned upon me that after next semester I wouldn’t be able to feel the pressure mounting closer and closer to a breakdown, the relief that washes over me whenever an assignment is handed in and how awesome it is to have stress buddies, allnighter buddies, and hangout uni buddies in general. Uni life wouldn’t feel so real anymore.. cos what’s left is memories. Yeah, great going marc, going all sentimental when you’re meant to just enjoy the uni break.

Speaking about the break… I just had my proper stay-home break today. I cleaned my room, that was littered with so many papers from my hectic final week of assessments. Then, I got distracted with gossip girls, well I did both, cleaning and watching, which is kind of a weird combination when multitasking. LOL.

Point is… when I stopped watching, it came to a point when I realized just how bland and normal my life is. That always happened whenever I finish watching movies.. it was as if movies are a form of escapism (which it is, in fact it is created for that purpose anyway). But it sucks, to be escaped in a world so full of thrill and drama and come back into a bland one you live in. But a minute after, a sense of gratefulness washed over me to know that my life is normal, and nearly perfect only with little complications. So what if my life is much more boring than those main leads? At least it isn’t complicated, and I’m completely content in living my normal and bland life.. cos I know I enjoy it. =)

The effects of movies and series and media in general to people are really interesting. It is also highly ironic that I seemingly learn better when I’m actually NOT in the lecture room trying to decipher whatever the lecturer was saying.

What am I on about actually??
nothing.. just one of marc’s thinking escapades
-marc.

And she sat there, amidst of the darkness engulfing the room, wondering what to do next. It wasn’t the usual case of having a million of things to do and limited time, it’s more of the case of being so clogged up with the busy-ness of life that she began to forget how to breathe. Now that she finally got her space to breathe, she is lost, with nothing to do. Which is highly ironic. You would think a busy girl like her would love to have a break, she does love it, but in the end everything came into a huge question of a simple matter.

Then it just strikes out of the blue, it strikes her how much she missed writing. How much she missed just pinning her thoughts on paper, now that she always associates writing with essays, all the joy that used to come from writing is totally gone. Life’s like that, ever changing, one minute you love it and one minute you’ll dread it.

You would think a breathing space means a break, a chance to empty your mind and just breathe. But apparently not for her. She really hates the way she thinks over stuff. The way she seemed to expect the worst and expect everything to at least turn better than what she thought it would be. It’s a coward way to face life and she knew it. She probably knew it better herself without having others tells her that. But that’s how she’s been living her life for twenty years, and it’s a habit hard to change.

Negative thinking really puts clouds over one’s mind. Maybe that’s why she prefers action, having her life jam packed with activities that it leaves her next to no time at all to contemplate. Because she’ll dive straight into the self-doubt and thinking about the future. Which really is out of her league, because once she starts, she can’t stop worrying. Life’s hard enough to go through as it is, where overthinking is probably overkill.

But that’s just the way she is.

-marc.